I thought that when I reached this point, I would be happy.
I told myself that once I got to day thirty, I was going to celebrate and make obscene gestures toward my computer and jump up and down with excitement because I was done.
And yet, I’m sitting here on my bed after working a fairly short shift at the diner surrounded by the homework that all needs to be completed by Monday morning feeling awfully bittersweet about this whole thing.
Yes. I am absolutely, 100% proud of myself for accomplishing this task that I set myself up for. Thirty days of writing blog posts is more difficult than it seems, my friends.
And yes, I am happy that I was able to finish this challenge with only a few hiccups.
And yes, I am happy that I have reached the end where I can now feel less guilty when I miss a day of blogging; I don’t have to force out two posts in one day to make up for it. I can just let it slide.
But at the very same time, I’m sad. I’m so excruciatingly sad that this month has ended. I had a blog post to look forward to every day. I had something that I committed to and to work toward accomplishing every day.
I’m very much aware that I could continue this into December and blog every day in December. “BEDD”, if you will. However, I’m not sure that I could keep it up; the stamina that this takes is kind of immense and to be honest, sometimes this blog was a source of anxiety for me. And I don’t want more anxiety to follow me as I work to finish my undergrad without offing myself and to apply for grad school and such.
But as many of you know, sometimes I just can’t stay away from challenges such as these. I have a feeling that within the next few weeks, I’ll be back to a regular blogging schedule. Yes. I know that I used to try to set up a schedule for myself by saying that I was going to write a blog every Tuesday and I was going to record a vlog every Thursday and we all know how that ended up. But I think that because I just kicked the month of November in the keister, I would be able to stick to a regular blogging schedule.
And who the hell knows? Maybe I’ll just realize that I needed an outlet for the things in my head and will end up writing a blog every day again. Perhaps this is the thing in my life that I never knew that I needed.
Maybe I just needed to write my thoughts and feelings down for all of the world to see if they so choose to see them.
I’m rambling again.
I realized about two weeks ago that I ramble until I have nothing. Those are the exact words that I said to Beth. “I ramble until I have nothing.” And it’s the truth. I try to spew as much of myself into this blog as I can and then all of a sudden I just don’t have the words to write down anymore.
It’s rather interesting, I think. I just have so many words to put down on paper, then they just stop. Poof. Gone. The end.
And that’s why my posts end so awkwardly all the time.
This is the moment when you realize that I’m right. You’ve also just realized that you’ve been reading posts for thirty days and have never really noticed my writing style.
Anyway. This is the part of the post where I thank you a million times over for sticking with me until the end. Yes. Just like we all stuck with Harry until the very end. No but really, this month of writing has been as much for you as it has for me. While it may not have seemed like it, I wrote about things that I believed people could relate to or would have an interest in. And honestly, without knowing that I had readers every day, I probably would have quit a long time ago. Which would have been unfortunate because you all helped me break a record the other day of most views on one single day that this blog has ever seen. That’s a big thing for me to celebrate and I am forever thankful for each and every one of you.
So here we are: We’ve arrived at the end of this crazy challenge. You’ve been amazing and I love all of you. I’m going to sign off now. I’m not sure when the next post will be up, but I hope to see you there.
So until next time,